Men, good news! Forget about becoming more sensitive to your wife's feelings, pretending to care about those long talks about feelings, heck, don't even worry about your own feelings anymore!
While modern therapy has suggested that men do all of the icky stuff above, which turns your average guy's guts inside out, Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist, has a better idea: you're good at solving problems, "fixing" stuff, so do what you do best and apply it to your marriage.
It's actually a lot of work, but he thinks that men should take advantage of their logical orientation, make observations and create to-do lists. In other words, treat your marriage like a job.
His The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever offers eight ways to approach your wife and marriage on terms that will make more sense to you...and ultimately offer more happiness to the both of you. And at under $15, it's a heckuva lot cheaper than marriage counseling!
Right off the bat, the first way is "Make Your Marriage Your Job," and he proceeds to give marriage a job description. I can't promise you this is going to be as easy as it sounds, but it will give you a truly male perspective from which to approach your marriage and problems.
Craig Stoltz of the Washington Post gives a good rundown of the Eight Secrets.